I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
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