If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
let's bang
You're in my phone as 'Weird Bus Guy' so I think my answer's no.
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
you sternly forced jackson to start preheating the oven around midnight so you could make bagels in the morning
you were serious about those bagels
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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