How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
