ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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