I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
What can i say im a girl who smells like weiners.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
