It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize