If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
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