I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
