so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
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