and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He said last night that he'd never had such a great conversation and such a great handjob at the same time.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
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