Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Forgot to mention...Pamela Anderson has HPV, so i feel like im in good company
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
