i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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