so heres a good story. about 6 hrs ago i took a bath with bruce blasting. and 6 hrs later i woke up still in my bathtub but in cold water
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize