My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
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