What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
