oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
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