You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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