Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
