I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize