wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
we're so committed to being not committed
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
