I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
