I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
