What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I checked into jail on foursquare
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
