my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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