I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
