Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
You're like the curious george of whores
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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