No awkward lesbian experiences without me
my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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