I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Randomize
