Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
