I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
