you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I know it's just really hard to give up sex and cigs during a blizzard
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
