My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
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