The maid of honor just puked.
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
We're pregaming our midterms. Also, when we get our tests back, we're taking a shot for every point we lost. If you're not in, you should just go ahead and transfer.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
Randomize
