the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Dude I've kinda accepted I may leave Nola with the clap.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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