His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
