i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
Randomize
