He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize