fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
