fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Randomize
