I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize