Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
What shade of lipstick clearly states, I'm only attending this wedding for the drugs and groomsmen?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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