so explain again why im purple
no
Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Randomize
