The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I'm so fucking centered right now
I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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