Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I wish they had a "No Yankees" filter on status updates.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
