Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
wow bdsm is so cute
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Randomize
