So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
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