I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
