the condom got lost in my hair
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
