im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I threw up in the shower, slipped, and fell in it. Should I try and continue my day or just get back in bed?
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize
