Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
