I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize
