that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Randomize
