She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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