I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
