is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
Life without a bra equals bliss.
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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