Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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