My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I had to cum in my sink.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
