just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
