I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
