meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Randomize
