At least make sure they are 18
Why
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
