The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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