I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Hoping to get a pic of me on the tractor with an erection for you one of these days.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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