The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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