I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
is it fun? or sober?
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
