No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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