You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
I decided to have a date tonight. Back on horse I go. Or aiming to be on a horse cock one day. You know. However that metaphor goes.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Randomize
