what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Randomize
