A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize