i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
