he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
there is puke in my bra ... again
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