i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize