his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
