Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
