So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
